This whole town is so fucking depressing.

It really is. There's nobody to have a goddamn decent conversation with. I mean, sure, people are talking, but they're never really saying anything. Not to you, anyways, they're just talking to themselves about themselves and using you as a goddamn medium.

The last time I had an actual conversation was with Abby a few days ago, when we talked about intellegent design and creationism and how bitter I am about all of that and how even though we disagreed, we could UNDERSTAND each other. I can't meet anyone who understands me half the time. It made me feel pretty damn good for a few hours, that conversation did.

Before that, it was with that guy I met at the party. I was pretty drunk for most of it, but damn, that was a hell of a talk. I'm sure he was a shitty guy and all, but he called me the next day and was real sweet about how drunk I was and all. Gentlemanly, I guess. Didn't really change that he was a shitty guy, but that coversation made me feel damn good, too.

And before that was the night I took shrooms and it was wasted because half the time I was crying my eyes out and the rest of the time I couldn't even speak but that was a fucking good time regardless and I was happy and warm even if I felt so fucking alone in my big old room with the lights all pink and everything looking really rosy and soft.

I'm not saying every conversation has to have a point, no. I love just fucking talking about shit with people I care about. Just talking. Texting. Whatever. But god, it gets damn lonely in my head, with all these ideas and needs and fuck I don't know. I don't know.

All I know, this town is bumming me out. I just need to stop smoking so many cigarettes and reading so much because these books are all written by people I could have a good ass conversation with and it's really fucking lonely.