I have made so many wrong decisions, I can't even pinpoint the things I've done right. Everything is coming around, and while I was flying high a few days ago- hell, a few hours ago, this rollercoaster I'm stuck riding swung me down again back to the bottom so quickly I'm left with nothing but a whirr of half remembered words, nausea, and a headache that makes me tear so badly I can barely see the glow of the computer screen.
Arrests, death, cancer, suicide. Families falling apart. Nobody to turn to.
Is this what being an adult brings?
The people closest to me are suffering and there is nothing I can do. I can cry to myself, curled up in my bed, but what good does it do? When all I have are my pretty words, what do I do when I don't know what to say, how to make it better? I can't make it better. I can't do anything.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
I need to go far, far away. It won't solve anything, I know it won't, but I can't be here anymore. I can't stand to see you all in so much pain. I can't stand to feel so useless.
1 comment:
Keep going. You're an excellent writer; maybe a born writer.
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