What is the feeling?

Know that feeling where you feel all empty like something is all wrong but you don't know what it is? Yeah.









Yeah.







(On the plus side, I could possibly use this as inspiration for a new poem.)

A description of the inner self?

Individuals born on the cusp of Taurus (the second Sign of the Zodiac) and Gemini (the third Sign of the Zodiac) are ruled by both Venus and Mercury. Here, the influence of Venus endows these cuspians with a graceful and easy manner, coupled with a winning personality, while Mercury's influence increases the talent for music, art and eloquence. These individuals are thinkers, orators, artists and inventors. In short, the hands and brain work together in perfect harmony for this cusp combination. They display great imagination and tend to be very expressive, both physically as well as mentally. Taurus/Gemini natives would be well advised to become actively employed since the more they have to occupy their minds, the greater will be personal happiness...massage therapy, pottery, writing, painting and the composing of music can bring great fulfillment to these cuspians. In short, an idle Taurus/Gemini subject is a morbid and unhappy soul indeed.

The Taurus/Gemini cusp combination, also known as the Cusp of Energy, corresponds symbolically to the period of human life at around the age of fourteen. The firm-set Taurus nature here (which is controlled by the Planet Venus) acts as a counter-balance to the activity of Mercury (the Planet which rules Gemini) with its quick and mercurial ways. Because of the Gemini character, the desire to try new things is in the ascendant, but there is an inherent reluctance to relinquish the old...a carry-over from Taurus. This factors greatly in stability. However, an excess of this trait can hamper the Gemini nature and may result in an attempt to do two things at once...usually to the detriment of both. It can also make these cuspians stubborn about lesser things, even when they know little about them. Self-control is strongly needed in this blend and, once acquired, will enable these individuals to correct yet another aspect often lacking in this particular cusp combination...that being concentration, which is essential to this highly adaptable but somewhat contradictory Zodiac type. Those governed by the Taurus/Gemini cusp are said to be gifted in any domain they see fit to enter. These are often the artisans (and frequently the artists) of the Zodiac but, without the correct early training, are likely to develop in an abnormal fashion with a tendency to spend their time in sensuous enjoyment. These cuspians are said to have three masters: Castor and Pollux (who are seldom in harmony) and the Bull (who is ever determined to rule that historic pair). At best, these individuals are very busy and helpful...at worst, they become indolent.

Taurus/Gemini natives are exceedingly proud souls who would undoubtedly prefer starvation to dependence. If they do happen to find themselves in humble circumstances, then they will certainly be very miserable but, displaying entirely too much pride than is good for them, begging for help of any kind will be totally out of the question. These are glorious givers but reluctant receivers...a trait which can result in a character who is overly-free with money and a tendency to be wasteful. Thus, it is important that these cuspians develop a purposeful aspect to their nature. Nevertheless, these subjects can succeed at almost anything if they are willing to try. They are always active and energetic with refined manners and pleasing habits. They possess a keen interest in the world around them and the inherent charm cannot fail to draw innumerable friends and sweethearts. However, those involved with Taurus/Gemini individuals (who are notorious for their reputation as unstrustworthy souls) are likely to live in constant fear of losing them. To some, this may be an appealing challenge...to others, it is a frightening concept, particularly in the areas of business and employment. The brilliance of these cuspians is not normally sufficient to guarantee success in a given field unless such is supported by a string of undeniable accomplishments. Unfortunately, the characteristic associated with this cusp rarely manifests an endurance which is equal to personal desires and impulses. While slower and more purposeful people simply "hang in there," Taurus/Gemini individuals often find themselves being passed in life's race...rather like the hare was overtaken by the self-possessed and deliberate tortoise. The preparation of a resume may well be a rather painful process for these cuspians since it will likely reveal an eclectic background which is lacking any real depth...short sojourns in each job and somewhat dubious accomplishments, for example. Learning about the creation of structure and the value of limitations is essential for the growth of a Taurus/Gemini individual.

Taurus/Gemini cuspians will probably easily perceive themselves as more of a force than a person. No experts in self-awareness, from an early age they tend to forge a role for themselves in life which is active rather than passive...dynamic rather than static. As children, they are interested in everything around them, apt to fly every which way in their search for stimulation. These cuspians want to do it all and take on the world through a frontal assault. Some Taurus/Gemini individuals fail to form a strong ego when they are young, constantly wishing to please and often fearful of rejection. This can result in a character which accepts the wishes of others at personal expense. Thus, self-assertion and the building of a powerful ego can become a lifelong occupation for these cuspians. Taurus/Gemini individuals frequently remain youthful and light-hearted their entire lives, but the inherent need for physical pleasure can lead to an over-emphasis on money and the accumulation of possessions. Indeed, they are frequently somewhat addicted to sensuousness (and, at times, sensuality), prone to carry their tendencies to extreme and apt to invest in such items as fast cars and other material means of stimulation. In addition, without the correct training early in life, these cuspians may develop exceedingly large bodies. Nevertheless, these are basically tolerant and gentle souls who are often perceived by others as being scattered and highly-strung. The many interests of Taurus/Gemini subjects make them entertaining and loyal friends with a carefree and unpredictable twist. In their leisure time, Taurus/Gemini individuals enjoy pairing up with partners for recreation. Outdoor activities that allow a closeness with the earth are most favored. The love of conversation and good food ensures that relaxing dinners with friends are highly enjoyable and the inquisitive and literary orientation of this cuspian means that he or she will also enjoy mentally challenging pursuits. In short, the Taurus/Gemini cusp combination makes for a charming and congenial individual who has many friends and acquaintances in all areas of life.

With regard to relationships, since the rulers of this cusp combination are Venus and Mercury, any love affair must be both physical and mental in origin. The practical applications of artistic ability and authorship are profound on this cusp and domestic life is best if financially secure and mentally stimulated. The elements of earth (associated with Taurus) and air (associated with Gemini) rarely blend well. Instead, each element will seek to find its own territory or outlet. Taurus/Gemini individuals are inclined to be richly sensual by nature and, if left alone or isolated, may well become deeply depressed. Projects that are many-faceted and require patience can help in the healing of hurts for this combination. If security is threatened, a nervousness and lack of mental grounding may occur and it is essential for these cuspians to guard the throat and upper respiratory tract since, under stress, these body parts become most vulnerable to attack.

The great strengths of the Taurus/Gemini combination are stability, perseverance, and both intellectual and conversational skills. These cuspians are able to analyze difficult ideas and communicate those ideas to others in a clear an concise manner. Their methodical determination enables them to be productive even when others have long since "given up the ghost." There is a natural talent here to reason with others and this cusp combination is one of the strongest of the Zodiac when it comes to meeting goals...largely due to the inherent reliable persistence.

The most important lesson to be learned by Taurus/Gemini natives is that they should always be careful not to wear themselves out and realize that there are limits to what an individual can achieve in a short period of time. Additionally, it is important for them learn not to come on too strong and they also need to recognize the value of confronting personal fears and insecurities. As with all cusp individuals, these cuspians tend to be attracted to others born on the cusp...particularly those who fall within the Aries/Taurus and Sagittarius/Capricorn combinations.

-- Possess the earthy physical traits inherent in Taurus --
-- Possess the airy activities of thought, communication, nervous excitement and energetic movement inherent in Gemini --
-- Energetic, convincing and prolific --
-- Tendency toward over-indulgence in things that they like --
-- Prone to wear themselves out --
-- Find it difficult to set limits on themselves --
-- Thrive on verbal interchange...and are talented in that area --
-- Prone to "come on too strong" --
-- Reluctant to confront fears and insecurities --
-- Versatile --

Notable Taurus/Gemini Cuspians Include:
Malcolm X; Grace Jones; Cher; Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; Joan Collins; Bob Dylan; and Victoria, Queen of England





And from the celtic zodiac:



May 15-May 24: Those born between these two dates also fall under the lesser influence of a secondary tree...the Chestnut, whose motto is "In Quest of the Truth" or "The Honesty." Chestnut individuals usually possess unusual beauty and a tendency to be overly-critical of themselves. With no desire to impress and with an inherent distaste for falsehoods, Chestnuts are blessed with a well-developed sense of justice. They are vivacious by nature and very diplomatic, but tend to be sensitive in company and easily driven to irritation...which can be indicative of a lack of self-confidence. Chestnut people will sometimes act superior but basically feel as though they are misunderstood. They are prone to love only once in their lives and often experience great difficulty in finding a partner.

Got that all here. It was surprisingly helpful.


This post had nothing and everything to do with me and my life.

I'm looking for a new tattoo. I'm leaning towards something occultish, astrological, or a vintage moon/sun/star design. Also, a little something for behind each ear. I'm thinking a tiny moon on one side, and a tiny sun on the other. Maybe a rune on the back of my neck, if I could find soemthing I deem appropriate.

Out, damned spot!

My dears,

It would seem that the writers block took a break, or my muse popped in for a quick visit the other day, and ideas just..popped into my head faster than I could write them. And I do have to write them fast, or else..well, the flow just flies away, and the wording doesn't situate right and I have to work very hard to try and remember what came so easily seconds before.

Now, that's not to say that I've written anything particularly good, or spectacular. Sure, I'm going to put it up on my fictionpress account. But only for ideas. Opinions. Ways to make myself better. I haven't gotten any of those lately.

It seems like, anytime I write something, I'm automatically praised for it. Like, I'm just this..robot that pops out poems that sounds nice, but don't leave you with much more. And when I'm not writing, I'm not good for anything. I cook, and clean, and act the good daughter/future housewife (oh god, please no.) but I don't really do anything. Writing is all I have, and I'm no more special at that than I am at anything else. It just happens to be the only thing I'm mildly notable for.

So, I'll crank out a couple things once in a blue moon. people will read them over, coo their compliments (which I am honestly really grateful for, really, I swear. They make me feel wonderful inside. Better than ever.) and leave me wanting..more. Just like my poems. Empty somehow. I want to be better. Someday I want to be, gasp!, published. And I'm probably being egotistical thinking it's possible, but it's my dream. The only dream I have.

It's all I've got.

That, and your lovely compliments.

And that little empty bit of longing left after hearing them.


(I considered leaving you with poetry, but instead, I'll leave you with my fictionpress account. ..Well, I guess it's the same thing.)

New blog?

I've been useless lately.

I haven't written one good thing. Not one poem, not one short story, nothing.

Not that I was ever good at short stories as it is. I'm so rusty, I am misspelling storie and storys. Plural and singular forms are mixing together. My mind is in slo-mo and there's nobody to hit the fast-forward button.

I miss the days where I would wake up at 4.15 in the morning, scrawl something illegible in my little, leather pink book (that is always on my nightstand, with a nice pen, just in case.) and when I wake up, marvel at the thoughts that entered in my head through the night. Like my little muse curled up next to me ear, whispering sweet nothings all night.

Baby, where did we go wrong?

I am inspirationless, bored, and slowly getting dumber, lazier, and more depressed. My life is on a downwards swing, and I am only 18 years old. I haven't even started college yet, and it feels like everything is over.

I read over my livejournal, and some of my blog posts there were good, but for the most part it was just the typical angst expected of preteens (the kind of angst that lasted from age 10 to age it-isn't-over-yet-for-me.). My myspace blog was a little better, before I hit my 'LOL I WANNA EB A SCENE KID OMGGG~! && <3'>

And now I come back from digging up tags for the two pairs of (really cute) shorts that I have to return to Marshalls (I put them on, they were badly sewn and basically every stitch ripped. They weren't even small on me. It was a very painful blow to my nonexistant ego, I'll have you know.) along with this blue tank top that despite the elastic is way to small in the chest and pulls this move that flattens and pushes them into weird shapes. Kind of like taking a huge ball of playdoe (playdough?) and putting it into one of the half-size containers. It just doesn't work, and it's actually quite painful.

Except the playdough (playdoe?) is actually my rather nice although un-proportional breasts that are NATURAL thankyouverymuch.

Why can stores never make clothes that would look good on a 5 foot tall, mamoth chested 18 year old girl? Petite clothes often look..grannyish. Because old ladies are often very small, and very thin. But I am not 'thin' and I also do not have granny/petite boobs. It is a cruel and unfair world to those of us with oddly-proportioned bodies.

This is turning into out of control rambling. I think I'll let it go for now.

Peace, darlings. <3

(Jones soda is the shit. I don't know what I would do without all the excess calories it allows me to obtain.)